In last week’s blog, I shared about the mess I had made of my love life due to the clutter and mistaken beliefs that lived in my subconscious mind.
I talked about how those beliefs form and how they have attractor factor that will draw into your experience, a vibrational match to the belief. (e.g. believing that you have no worth will draw people into your life that don’t value you.) This can become a very unpleasant roller coaster ride.
The tough part about it is that you want it to end but you are overwhelmed and can’t figure out how to make it stop. Also, in some crazy way it feels like it makes sense, because it does make sense to your subconscious mind. So you have trouble finding the starting place to change it. You just make excuses and keep living with it.
It’s kind of like looking at that cluttered closet day after day and denying that it is a huge mess because you are just not able to face what it would take to clean it up. You can’t find the time to do it, even though you know that once you do, you will be able to breathe. You want the result but you just don’t want to do the work! It’s a hassle and it’s drudgery. Who wants to sign up for hours of that, obviously, not me?
But I have found that when it’s your time, the Universe just says, “tough sh*t that you don’t want to face the closet. You have to, because we are going to lock you in it until you can’t stand another moment of what you have created. You’re going to be in it until you are willing to do whatever you need to, no matter how hard it is, to preserve your sanity and maybe even open your life up to love and happiness. And if you don’t, you can continue to be miserable, living with your clutter, but know that it was your choice to do so.”
Oh, I hate those kinds of lessons and insights. The ones that show up so clearly that you can’t ignore them or find a way to dance around them. But what’s really amazing once you are aware of them, is trying to figure out what kind of brain baffling BS you were creating before, that prevented you from seeing this brilliantly lit, neon sign, that is now so clear. I can only say, you get where you get when you get there.
Until I was there, I truly didn’t see what is now so obvious. Now, I see that if I keep settling for table scraps, I will never be invited to sit at the head of the banquet table. I totally get that it is foolish to give my beautiful heart anywhere that it isn’t valued and appreciated and I see that it takes self-care, boundaries, compassion, acceptance, clarity, integrity, self-knowledge and humor to thrive in this human drama called love.
I’m a little late in life to this discovery that others made long ago, but I am in. I’m not discouraged by the arrested development that I have showed in the romance department. I am clear that there are good reasons for everything I have done. But I choose not to dwell on those reasons anymore. I choose instead to accept them and move on to stepping into what I really want.
In fact, one of the things that feels best, is that I have no hurt or anger at any of the men in my life who tossed me the table scraps. I realize that they were just doing what was necessary to finally take me to this level of awareness.
Do any of you relate to what I have shared? I’d really love to hear from you. I am clear that it is the bravery and wisdom of the beings that surround me that got me here. So let’s help each other. Let’s do this together. Please share your stories.
I didn’t arrive at this place alone…it took a village as they say, but most recently it took the efforts of my dear daughter, Erin, my amazing coach Ellen McCarty, the wisdom of Dr. Roopa Chari, and the genius of Deepak Chari and his Life Transformation Technology. Thank you, thank you, thank all of you.
Let's see what comes next!
PAULA SHAW, CADC, DCEP is a Master Life Transition Coach and Grief Specialist. She is also a Best Selling Author, Keynote Speaker and radio talk show host.
For more than 20 years, Paula has been passionate about empowering people who are dealing with profound loss, to help them reap something truly beautiful from their pain, turning that pain into possibility.
She also helps clients who are going through major life transitions or seeking freedom from self-destructive addictions. She has degrees in Education and Communications from Long Beach State University, as well as graduate counseling credentials in Grief and Addictive Disorders from Loyola Marymount University.
She is one of the founding members of the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology and currently serves on its board of directors.
Paula is the author of Chakras, the Magnificent Seven (2002), as well as the newly released Grief...When Will This Pain Ever End? Finding Your Way out of the Pit of Despair after Profound Loss, which was released June 15, 2015.
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PAULA SHAW, CADC, DCEP is an author, Energy Psychology specialist, therapist, speaker, Reiki Master and Grief Counselor. For more than 20 years, Paula has been passionate about empowering people who are dealing with profound loss, so they can reap something truly beautiful from their pain. She also helps clients who are going through major life transitions or seeking freedom from self-destructive addictions. She has degrees in Education and Communications from Long Beach State University, as well as graduate counseling credentials from Loyola Marymount University. She is one of the founding members of the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology and currently serves on its board of directors. Paula is the author of Chakras, the Magnificent Seven (2002), as well as "Grief...When Will This Pain Ever End?" Finding Your Way out of the Pit of Despair After Profound Loss.
Former Blog Archive
Thank you for reading Paula's Blog. Because our site moved in June, we were unable to transfer all of our blog posts over. You can however, read the rest of them by visiting our old blog site. HERE